How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
