and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
