Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
