i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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