Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
