Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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