I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize