everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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