if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
