Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
