I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
