i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
