Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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