I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
