Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
