I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
