He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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