I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
