I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
