you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
