I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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