I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
