Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
