Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
