Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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