Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
