I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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