OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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