Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
