this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
