just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
