I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
