Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
