Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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