why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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