i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
