Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
