obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
