you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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