I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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