does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
