your parents love me but you hate me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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