That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She bit a glass in half.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
