I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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