I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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