how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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