I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
