and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
