How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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