my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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