he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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