What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
