dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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