I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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