Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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