So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
