One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
