watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My balls are so social today.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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