You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
