I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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