If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
