I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
