Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
