He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
