Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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