will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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