Already got asked if we're dating
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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